HYA Administrative Note

The administrative staff here at "Hey, You Asked!":

That would be me, alone.
(pictured here looking absolutely fab w/the naked face)



Would like to inform you all that the new address for this blog is now:

www.heyyouasked.net

Please make note of it in your blog rolls (for those of you have me on yours)future links to this institution of enlightenment & higher thinking PBG Yakkity-Yak Fest!

The address to send in your letters of inquiry is still the same: askthepbg@gmail.com.






Thanks for reading!

~pbg

I Am Lucy

This is kinda who I see myself as here on this advice column.

No, not a rotten little white girl who likes to torment and tease my blockhead friend from down the street (Lucy knows she was wrong for doing Charlie Brown like that).

I mean I see in Lucy the same spunk, determination and will that I see in myself. I am dedicated 100% to my beliefs and I think that I've lived enough so far to claim "wisdom". I believe my experiences to be gifts from the Good Lord above, not only for me, but for you all too! He has not given me joy, heartache, sorrow, struggle or pain just to keep what I've learned from them all to myself. I am obligated to share it with whomever comes looking for insight.

My ordered steps through the wilderness weren't only for me to come out shining! They were for me to look back and tell YOU where the bear sh*t is so you don't step in it. I shine, you shine...and things of that nature.

I'm no counselor for real, no more than my girl Lucy up there. I'm not even asking for a nickel like she is (that is, until I put some ads up on this blog and start getting some revenue check-age). But what I am indeed is a real woman, past the "I know everything just cuz I say so" stage in life. I don't know everything and I'm fully aware that I'm not supposed to in this lifetime. But I know enough through just living, loving and learning that I can share it with you.

Thanks to everybody who has supported this blog in one way or another since its inception. I truly appreciate you.


In all things, I wish you love, light and clarity.


~pbg

How You Doing??: A 2 for 1 Special Post

Hello My Lovelies!

I have here yet another follow-up report from one of my previous posts. Well actually, this is follow-up from two letters.

This young lady actually wrote in with concerns about her young son, twice.


A Little One Loses A Friend
Trouble Between Cousins


Here's how she says things are making out with her son:

You gave me some excellent advice on a couple of occasions... as you know! Just wanna let you n the readers know that my son is doing well. I made use of the school counselor for both the grief issues he had when his classmate died and the issues with his cousin. He seems to be doing well with both issues. My brother has moved. His son is also in counseling now... after I spoke my concerns to his mother. She took it better than I thought. Turns out there was an incident with a neighbor boy where they live, and she hadn't pursued counseling for him when it first happened. I'm sorry that it took his acting out to get him the help he needed. I'm trying not to be too judgmental about her not taking care of her biz when it first went down, but hey.... I'm still salty it impacted my son before the kid got help. I'm still not ready to have him around my son. Maybe someday.... I'm not as angry with my dad as I was at first. And really, that anger probably came from issues I have leftover from childhood than anything to do with this situation. My son still talks about his classmate and asks questions about death and dying, but the counselor assures me it's all age appropriate and constructive. I really appreciate the input you gave and the validation of my own instincts! You rock out loud!



I'm so glad that things have gotten better for you and your family. I was especially concerned in your case because of the nature of the things going on with your little boy. I'm delighted to know he's doing well! Thank you for entrusting your very sensitive family issues to me.

Thanks for reading guys, and if you have a follow-up story for me, be it good or bad, please send it to askthepbg@gmail.com and I'll post it.


In all things, I wish you love, light and clarity.


~pbg

Mama's Boy Mayhem

*Hello, My Lovelies. This is a LOOONG letter, but my response is short (and good). Thanks for reading! *


Dear PBG,

A couple months ago, I became pregnant by a guy that I had been really good friends with and just happened to move into a "friends with benefits" situation. The last time we slept together was in January and on Valentine's Day, I found out I was pregnant. I immediately told him because I didn't want to go at it alone and for the first few days, he was 100% supportive.

At some point or another, he told his parent and that's when all hell broke loose. She (his grandmother...who raised him) basically said that she didn't want any parts of any 'bastard' children and would not participate in helping to raise a child that he created with a woman he is not married to. After that, his attitude took a turn for the worse, where he basically told me that if I agreed to move forward with the pregnancy, he "didn't predict good things for us" and that he most certainly would be pissed.

Well, fast forward to later in the month of February...I started having some complications that my doctor assured me were fine but in March, ended up being rushed to the ER only to find out that my pregnancy was ectopic and I had to have immediate surgery or lose my life. During this whole ordeal, I didn't hear from him via email, phone call...nothing.

After I got over my initial hurt/shock/anger/ disappointment, I decided to send him an email (he had changed his # so I couldn't call him even if I wanted to) and expressed to him how I felt about him leaving me hanging the way that he did. I also informed him that I had lost the baby, that no concern was needed and I wished him well, in spite of what he had put me through. My friends advised me not to even say anything but I felt that b/c he was the father (whether he chose the responsibility or not), he still had the "right" to know. Once I sent that email, I blocked his email address so that he couldn't respond. Well, fast forward to about a week or so ago. I get an email from him (at another address) asking if we could talk. Defensive, I asked him "About what," and he responded that he just had to get some things off his chest. During this long conversation, he basically apologized repeatedly...telling me that he genuinely felt bad about what had gone down and that he wishes that he could take it back. He said that he had just gotten scared and even though it did NOT excuse his actions, he just felt that he needed to apologize and only hope that I'd accept. Being the person that I am (but hate so badly), I told him that I forgive him. In the past, I was a VERY vengeful person and am responsible for doing some hurtful things to people but in "growing up," I've learned that this is not the way to live. After that, he asked me if it was okay for him to take me to lunch, asking if I needed anything and pretty much vowed to "have my back" if I'd let him, no matter what. He's even moved into asking me if it was okay that we start over and actually do everything right, INCLUDING a relationship. My mouth hit the floor...I'm wondering "Where is all this coming from and why NOW" but he SEEMS sincere. I am not looking for anyone to offer me a sweet pat on the back. But I'm confused about his behavior. I pride myself in being a woman that's pretty good at reading people. However, this is a situation where I seem to be missing the mark. I would've been ready to give him an evil glance if he had mentioned anything about sex or being physical in ANY way but it's yet to come up. Everyday, he's offering pleasantries, making me laugh and oddly, sort of forgetting all of the baby drama from before. I don't want to be stupid. I don't want to be anybodys fool. But what do you make of this situation? Should I be willing to at least feel him out and offer him a chance, since he's asked for it OR should I say that I appreciate the offer but Umm, no thanks? Let me know! Signed, Still Have a Little Feelings

Oh, dear.

OK, I'll first say the reason you can't "read" this man in your life is because you've already had sex (good, I hope) with him. Sex (good or bad) always fogs up perception, even those of us who pride ourselves on having nearly crystal clear vision when it comes to looking into and seeing people for whom they are. So don't feel about that. It happens to the best of us.

With that being said, I haven't had sex with him, so I can see him for the mealy-mouthed coward of a mama's boy he truly is. He left you to go through pregnancy and raise a child alone because his Big Mama said so. "Friend with Benefits", huh?? He was your FRIEND as long as it was beneficial to HIM. Psshhh...who the hell needs enemies??



You told him of your losing the pregnancy because he was the father of the baby, despite his act of abandonment. That was noble and the right thing for you to do. You even forgave him for being a supreme jerk. You're growing and that's wonderful. Beyond that, you need to let this thing with this guy go. He's already proven in what is usually one of the biggest decisions between a couple, that he will walk away from you and leave you to fend for yourself. That is not an act of love. He's selfish as hell, Miss Lady. I'm sure the irony of his timing his renewed interest in you is not lost on you. He's given you time proper to heal physically and respected the standard mourning period. Now he's sniffing around trying to "start over". Start WHAT over?? That flimsy ass "FWB" situation?? He surely doesn't seem mature enough to maintain a REAL relationship! I bet his Big Mama doesn't know he's been talking to you again. Chile, bye. Can you please tell him for me "Jigga, you ain't slick!"???

Let it go, leave it alone and keep it moving. I honestly see NOTHING good coming of this relationship. Keep doing YOU and wait for a committed relationship with a real man devoid of his Mama's puppet apron strings. You deserve it.


In this, and all things, I wish you love, light and clarity.

~pbg