*yesterday's post on verysmartbrothers.com drove me to finally post this HYA Special Edition on "The Friend Zone". One of the readers asked me to do it several posts back and I had it halfway done, sittin' back in the cut.
When you think you are in "the Friend Zone", you are actually being punk'd/played/run a muck upon, big time. Let me explain:
I've seen so many people alluding to this alleged friend zone, speaking as if it actually exists. It doesn't. There is no friend zone, none whatsoever. You either have a solid partner in a real relationship with mutually beneficial standards, goals and expectations… or you’re a jump-off with none of those things. Plain and simple.
You are either WITH with a person or you are settling (see: Lil' Kim). Settling for either a.) being a jump-off or b.) being an obsessive, whiny little hanger-on, relegated to a role that YOU don't really don't want to play. You're going all out and putting your heart and soul on the line and this bama/bama-azz broad is calling you their "friend". And not even the kind of "friend" that I use for my boos because I'm too damn
Psshhh...get better friends. Miss me w/that Friend Zone shyt. You are SETTLING.
Settling is the most horrendous act of disrespect of SELF anybody can commit. Self-denial is suicide. (c)PBG 2006.
We ALL have the right to have what we want, the way we want it in love. If you don't think enough of yourself to hold out and have what you want, building it with a willing and enthusiastic partner, then you may as well go dig your own hole.
And if this "friend" is putting you in this vortex of bullshyt and can't/won't participate with you on fulfilling some mutual relationship goals, then unless you are actually LOOKING for a friend, step the eff off. Pronto. You're wasting time.
I saw another VSB poster use this term on the blog yesterday to describe a guy that she was dealing with because she wasn't ready for a relationship: “surrogate boyfriend”
*blank blinking stare*
Just what in tarnation is that?
Yet another sugary verbal confection, a flowery costume for B.S. Mother ReRe’s Inaugural Hat set upon the head of some sort of gremlin or rogue donkey.
Ladies, just because we put on lip gloss before we say this junk to a man doesn’t make it authentic or even pretty. Before we can expect better in relationships, we have to be better in relationships. That means honoring the our relationships by being truthful, in word, deed and sentiment. Fellas, don't ya'll do that crap either! I don't care if you are tall, dark and handsome with pretty teeth.
That particular poster may have been honest in telling him that she didn't want a relationship, but not by what she did. Actions speak louder than words, all day everyday.
If one doesn’t want a relationship, then one shouldn’t play act at one. What man wants to do a guest appearance in a woman’s life as “Boyfriend/Husband”? I know I’m not trying to be a future wife’s stand in/understudy/stunt double. No thank you!
Anytime you must use the words “appearance, convenience, surrogate” to describe any aspects of your relationship to anyone (including yourself), it all screams “NOT REAL”. Why bother with it?? You'd be just skipping along looking for something that feels good for a month and expect the other party to go along w/it because “She/He called him/her Baby, Baby, Baby…all night long", when they would love nothing more than to love you. Oh, how friendly is that??Stop settling for the alleged "Friend Zone"!
Look, settling has never gotten anybody anywhere! Look what happened when the Native Americans allowed some pale faces to come on over and "settle in"! Can you say "utter decimation of a people"?? And how about Blacks "settling" for Civil Rights Act instead of pushing for Reparations when we had them bamas on the ropes! Settling makes you nothing more than the sediment on the bottom of the Fish Tank of Life.
Friend Zone=Settling and settling is for suckas! The Friend Zone is an illusion, and I am not fooled. Get like me.
