Hello,
I just wanted to send you a letter and hope that you and your blog family can help me.
I am 28 years old and a married mother to be. I am due any day now and will give birth to a son.
My best friend in the world is a black man who just happens to be gay. We've been friends since before my husband and I met.
Before I got pregnant, my husband was 100% cool with my gay guy friend and I hanging out. But once I got pregnant AND we found out I was having a boy, he totally shunned my gay friend and said that he didn't want me (or the baby) around him.
I have not told my friend anything about this because he is SO excited about being an uncle. I am also excited for him, as he is an only child and never had the opportunity to have a niece/nephew.
My husband's rationale is that he doesn't want his son exposed to 'gayness' and that taking him around my gay friend would help 'bring on' gay tendencies. I personally think he's a crock of sh*t. This has caused a riff in our relationship.
If I were to use his same logic, I would say that our son shouldn't be around ANY of his brothers because they are ALL a bunch of dead beats who can't keep a job and don't take care of their children. I SHOULD be afraid that this would cause "aint-sh*tness" in our son but you won't hear me complaining.
So what do I do? I respect our marriage and respect my husband but at the same time, I DO NOT believe in raising children to not be tolerant of others. I would love my son be it that he was gay or straight. I'm just bothered by all this and hope that you and your family could shed some light.
I do not want to exclude my gay friend out of my child's life and it saddens me every time I hear him getting excited about the birth. He's done SO much for me and my heart just tells me that it's not right!
Signed,
Ready to Pop but Confused
Oh Sweet Baby Jesus! Help me with this one!
"I'm here for you, PBG. Go 'head and handle this one, in My Name!"
This is so wrong. Wrong, wrong wrong! It actually hurts my heart when I hear about people mistreating other people for no other reason than just being. Existing. It's just tragic.
One thing a child can NEVER have enough of is LOVE! And if Gay Uncle is going to bring that into your son's life, what is so wrong with that?? You have a long-standing, mutually beneficial, love-based platonic relationship with this man who JUST SO HAPPENS to be gay for all this time, so there is no reason to believe that he would or could bring any type of harm to your new son. I cannot abide by this discrimination your husband is throwing up in the game now that you all know that you will soon have a son. That just isn't right.
Being in the proximity of gay/lesbian/transgender/bisexual people will not "turn" you into anything, let alone gay. I have plenty of gay and bisexual friends and from what they've told me, they didn't "turn" gay or whatever. They have always "just been". Like we all have just been whoever or whatever we are. It is completely ridiculous and unreasonable for your husband to deny you of your relationship with your very close friend because of his homophobia. If your friend is a good person and treats you all with respect and love, that is all that should matter.
Gay does not equal pedophilia.
Gay does not equal abusive.
Gay does not equal rampant sluttery.
And most of all, gay does not rub off!!
Having a Gay Uncle will not make your son gay. And if your son does turn out to be gay, so what? If he is raised in a family culture of love, tolerance, respect and understanding, he will still be a wonderful, loving human being.
You should be speaking up to your husband, because you shouldn't have to relinquish your friends to be his wife, especially now. He needs to be more concerned about the example of character his own brothers will be setting for his son, since according to you, none of them are about a damn thing! Let your husband know how much it hurts you for him to attempt to dismantle your friendship over his own prejudices and irrational fears. I trust that your husband will change his ways concerning your friend, for no other reason than to spare your heart, because he loves you.
Gay Uncle will do nothing more that shower that new baby boy with love, not to mention some of the best gifts ever, since he doesn't have any other children to spoil rotten. All uncles, gay or not, are good for that!
In this and all things, I wish you love, light and clarity.
Oh! Here's your HYA Baby Shower Gift:
Hey, You Asked!
PBG
