Last week, I posted a letter I got from a young man who claims to be addicted to the "Newness of Love". I think I laid down some solid advice for the homie, despite some starry-eyed readers of mine coming in and chiming in w/the guy....
Here's a letter I received from a young lady that illustrates what I said about the WORK involved in LOVE and keeping a relationship going. It's a beautiful story about the bumps on the road of marriage and what can be done to get things back on track and keep them that way. Enjoy:
So we are fairly newlyweds just over a year...
While we were dating (and living separately) he was great. Thoughtful, chivalrous almost to a fault, imaginative and all of that. He also had high aspirations of furthering his education and career, and I was willing and able to be his faithful helpmate.
Then we got hitched. And it was great. We rarely fight (mainly because we are the kind of couple that believes in open honest communication before it gets out of hand).
However, as of late, I have been feeling taken for granted. Less of an effort is being made to woo me, romance me and be thoughtful. Moreover, he's gotten comfy in his job, so his drive to go back to school and all the stuff we talked about fell to the wayside. I understand that life got in the way a bit. We have a household to maintain and the day to day can get a little crazy. But I felt like we were losing our essence. What's more, I was starting to feel like I was married to a stranger. The conversations kind of stopped in favor of just plopping on the couch and watching TV. In addition, I'm a girl who loves to be out and about. Don't get me wrong, I also love being cuddled up on the couch, but NOT EVERY WEEKEND. Before we got married, we would hit the town, or I would just hit up a girls night. Now, its like pulling teeth to get out of the house, even when we are going with other couples that HE KNOWS and LIKES TO BE AROUND.
All of these issues had come up and I believe in communicating them as soon as they start to bother me. I do a self check in, and check in with my best girlfriend to see if I'm trippin, or if its really something to be concerned about. Then I usually sit down and talk with him, or write him a letter clearly expressing my concerns. He would promise me that he would do better, but that change was temporary, if it came at all.
This time, I had had it. I packed up his stuff and put them in a box by the door. When he came home, the chain was on the door, so I had to let him in. He knew I meant business this time.
He begged me to stay and told me that without me, his life would end. We talked and I eventually fell asleep, and made him sleep on the couch. I found out later that he didn't sleep that night, but sent me two long letters via Facebook and gmail outlining how he felt about what had happened. That it was a "real wake up call and a kick in the ass'' I won't go into details, but he addressed what was concerning me. Which means he heard me BEFORE and just didn't take decisive action. It took me shaking his world up to wake him up. In the morning we talked more (so I took the day off) and we handled each issue in detail and came up with an agreeable action plan. We now have weekly scheduled date nights... every other weekend we will do a night out and a night in. We will alternate on who pays. As far as school goes, he has looked up information sessions at schools in the area, and even suggested we take one of his electives together (like a foreign language or writing class). We've also made a commitment to more deeply connect with our spirituality to strengthen our foundation. And we have an accountability system for each other .
The end of all of this is that while I was shooting e mails to work on my Crackberry in the bedroom, he bought us two tickets to the Aquarium online. He told me to get dressed but wear comfy shoes (cuz he knows how I do). We went on a very nice date, followed by dinner at a restaurant and a movie at home. He opened every door, pulled out every chair, held my coat and chided me when I tried to do these things for myself. He then kissed me goodnight and "went home" to the couch.
Isn't love grand??
Thanks for sharing!
~PBG
