To Whom It Don't Really Concern, (hahaha...real cute. ~pbg)
I'm writing because I'm at war with myself, and hopefully you, in all your sagaciousness, can help me find some clarity.
I'm a 22 year old black male. I've always been taught to be myself and be comfortable with who I am. My problem is: What happens when who I am completely conflicts with my own morals and beliefs?
I've been attracted to both men and women for as long as I can remember. I've managed to control that "evil" side of me for a long time, but I just recently ended a relationship with another man. There was no sex, as I just couldn't bring myself to go there. We never even kissed. It felt SO wrong but ... as the same time it felt SO right. If I wasn't afraid of the spiritual repercussions of my actions, I would go there.
However, I also can't deny my desire to lead a normal lifestyle. A wife, a child. A non-perfect family that quarrels but at the end of the day, we're all we have. Just me, my wife, and my child.
I would NEVER want to be considered one of those DL brothers, and I would never want to hurt anyone that I'm with. I'm faithful. Nothing could drive me to cheat. It's just not happening. My father cheated on my mom with another man and if that doesn't ruin a marriage, I don' t know what will.
My upbringing is in the church. I'm a Christian. I believe homosexuality is wrong for ME. It's not what God has for me. I just know it.
What to do?
-Morose & Morally Misguided
My Dearest M&MM,
I think that you are indeed a gay man who believes that because you have been conditioned to think that homosexuality is "wrong" and sinful, to embrace what seem to be your natural inclinations, you will be hell bound. I personally don't think homosexuality is wrong. It's different, that's all. It's who some people just are, and I guarantee you that there are a lot of worse things to be than gay.
Gay people have very successful lives. They are influential in society, they have long-term relationships and even happy "non-perfect" families. Gay people aren't condemned to a life of squalor, loser-osity, loneliness or despair, no more than anyone else. The one thing I've heard from so many gay people say when articulating what truly makes them unhappy is trying to be something they aren't or fit into the expectations of others JUST because of what is considered "the norm". Some people have become despondent to the point of being suicidal because of it.
You say that you "just ended a relationship with another man". You referred to it as a "relationship". You are, at the very least, bisexual, otherwise your mind wouldn't be open to the possibility of a same-sex relationship even being a reality for you. Straight guys & girls don't refer to their same sex friendships as "relationships".
I don't want what happened to your father to become your legacy. I suspect that your father denied who and what he was and went on and attempted that perfect little family with your mom, only to be forced to cheat to be who he really is. Back then, so many people of alternate sexuality had to hide in shame and live lives that weren't necessarily for them. A lot of them suffered from depression or self-medicated with drugs and alcohol to deaden the pain of the reality they felt like they had to choose. We all know where that leads. We don't live in those times. There are still ignorant people in the world, but overall, society is much more accepting of gay people, which is a good thing in my opinion.
I will not attempt to dictate your morality at all, but I will say this: Just be you. Don't feel like you have to conform to a standard that is not your own. Don't torture yourself and don't close any doors to happiness for yourself. Those that love you, will love you regardless. And sin or no sin, God will never leave you and He will never forsake you.
In this and in all things, I wish you love, light and clarity.
Hey, You Asked!
~PBG
My Dearest M&MM,
I think that you are indeed a gay man who believes that because you have been conditioned to think that homosexuality is "wrong" and sinful, to embrace what seem to be your natural inclinations, you will be hell bound. I personally don't think homosexuality is wrong. It's different, that's all. It's who some people just are, and I guarantee you that there are a lot of worse things to be than gay.
Gay people have very successful lives. They are influential in society, they have long-term relationships and even happy "non-perfect" families. Gay people aren't condemned to a life of squalor, loser-osity, loneliness or despair, no more than anyone else. The one thing I've heard from so many gay people say when articulating what truly makes them unhappy is trying to be something they aren't or fit into the expectations of others JUST because of what is considered "the norm". Some people have become despondent to the point of being suicidal because of it.
You say that you "just ended a relationship with another man". You referred to it as a "relationship". You are, at the very least, bisexual, otherwise your mind wouldn't be open to the possibility of a same-sex relationship even being a reality for you. Straight guys & girls don't refer to their same sex friendships as "relationships".
I don't want what happened to your father to become your legacy. I suspect that your father denied who and what he was and went on and attempted that perfect little family with your mom, only to be forced to cheat to be who he really is. Back then, so many people of alternate sexuality had to hide in shame and live lives that weren't necessarily for them. A lot of them suffered from depression or self-medicated with drugs and alcohol to deaden the pain of the reality they felt like they had to choose. We all know where that leads. We don't live in those times. There are still ignorant people in the world, but overall, society is much more accepting of gay people, which is a good thing in my opinion.
I will not attempt to dictate your morality at all, but I will say this: Just be you. Don't feel like you have to conform to a standard that is not your own. Don't torture yourself and don't close any doors to happiness for yourself. Those that love you, will love you regardless. And sin or no sin, God will never leave you and He will never forsake you.
In this and in all things, I wish you love, light and clarity.
Hey, You Asked!
~PBG
