Hello PBG,
Am I over thinking/overreacting with this situation?
I was over at my boyfriend's house and saw his digital camera on the kitchen counter. I turned it on and proceeded to look at the pictures (which is something I normally do). All of the pictures were pictures of his dog but in the middle of those pictures there was one picture of a woman taking a self portrait of herself chest up (from what I saw with a shirt on) in his bedroom. The pictures seem to be from the same day. I asked him who it was, he told me an ex coworker friend that came to visit. His mood when I asked him was very stiff and frigid. I took his word for it at the time because I trust him. When I came back to my place the next day I could not stop feeling that something was not right. I don't have a problem with him having female friends but at the same time I don't understand what she would be doing in his bedroom. When I come over we don't even go into the bedroom until it's time for bed. We have been together for four years and I've met his friends and heard of his coworkers. I've never heard of her and I've never met her. Although I trust him, my gut instinct is telling me that he is cheating or not telling the whole truth. Should I be worried?
Thanks a million,
K
You normally check his camera pics? Really? I'd like to know why. Do you also take pics with this camera? Is it a shared camera? Honestly, you seem a bit snoopy to me. Snoopy and insecure because I can't see any logical reason why you would "normally" check the pictures in your boyfriend's camera. It's quite puzzling, indeed.
With that being said, I've always lived in the belief that a snoopy, nosey type of person will ALWAYS find something disturbing when they go looking. Your mind/character/inclinations have already led you to go looking. No matter what you find, it will be suspect because you're LOOKING! Bus transfers, dry cleaning tickets, texts from his Mama...everything will feed into your insecurities and scream into empty pockets in your self-esteem: "He's cheating!!!"
Now, I say go with your gut. The person you need to trust more than him is YOU. If you think he's cheating with this woman in the pics why sit there torturing yourself with all the suspicion and "what ifs"?? You very well could be wrong, but love is risky. If you are constantly questioning the fidelity of your mate, even if it's just to yourself, you won't be happy in that relationship. Get out of this relationship and give yourself some peace. Overreacting? Maybe...but I'd rather overreact than underreact. Your nosiness notwithstanding, it all sounds out of order to me.
You may just want to chill on that nosey stuff though. If you don't, you will have a series of relationships just like the one you're describing here, with the common denominator in the failure of them all (and yes dear, they will all fail) being you and your insecurity. When things are wrong between two people in a romantic relationship, you never have to go looking for mess. Be cool and play your position. The "mess" will most assuredly find you.
In this and all things, I wish you love, light and clarity.
~pbg
Do you have an issue, question or query you'd like to have addressed here on "Hey, You Asked"? Feel free to email any and all issues to askthepbg@gmail.com and I will do my best to impart my real woman's perspective upon your situation and hopefully show you the way!
