Dear PBG,
I had been seeing a guy that I have known for 20 yrs we have been seeing each other for 6 months. He won't commit because "He likes women and doesn't want to cheat on me." Thanks for the honesty but WTF?
Now enter the young guy I have 11 yrs on him...the only issue is he has his own place (a plus) but NO car and NO job...so that means I am always paying and driving...umm I don't know about that! But the SEX...is mindblowing...could be because I have reached my sexual peak.
That brings me to the new guy...he has his own home, a good job, also in the music business, nice car and just as sweet as he wants to be. We have good conversation and like the same things. You're probably sitting there thinking OK where's the issue? The issue is that he is............WHITE!
Well the first guy is 4 inches shorter than me..a first! The second guy much much younger! A first for real! So why not try a white guy....another first! Help!!!
(Ya'll know I couldn't wait to use an MJ song title for this blog...)
My dear friend, I honestly don't see where you have a problem. Some decisions tend to make themselves. This here is one of them.
The first guy is a NO GO! He has zero interest in commitment. His statement "He likes women and doesn't want to cheat on me." should be read as "I wanna f*ck every girl in the world". OK, that may be an extreme interpretation, but he definitely wants the freedom to bang other chicks if the desire so moves him. Unless you're OK with being one of many, I'd say in the esteemed words of 90's super girl group, En Vogue, "Give it up, turn it loose".
This youngin' you have in the second position...*sigh* Look here, I'm a fervent supporter of the Cougar Lifestyle *rawr*, but in the case of your cub who has no job and no car, you have basically taken on another child. Sex makes up about 10% (pbg guesstimate) of the time a couple spends together, so the rest of the time you are feeding him, providing his entertainment and transportation. If you keep this up, don't be surprised if he asks you to pick up that new Madden for him.
The third fella sounds like he has it on the ball! He has his own home, working in great career, self-sufficient and he treats you well. Why should you care if he's white?? He can't help that anymore than you can help being a woman or black. He just wants to be with you. Why turn down your ideal relationship material because of race? I believe that we are far and beyond the days of Richard & Mildred Loving, and interracial relationships being considered taboo. Look at Iman & David Bowie, Seal & Heidi Klum: both long-standing and happy interracial couples. Who says that can't be your story as well?
It's all new to you, so I say at least give it a try to see if it actually appeals to you. If you date him and you aren't diggin' his Caucasian persuasion, then stop dating him. Just give him a chance. It really could be worth a shot. Women our age shouldn't feel like we can't explore options outside of what's considered the norm for us.
In this and in all things, I wish you love, light & clarity.
~pbg
Do you have an issue, question or query you'd like to have addressed here on "Hey, You Asked"? Feel free to email any and all issues to askthepbg@gmail.com and I will do my best to impart my real woman's perspective upon your situation and hopefully show you the way!
