Hey, I'm in a bit of an awkward situation, which is only made more uncomfortable because it involves my co-workers.
I work in customer service with a girl who is happily engaged with a 2 year old son. I got to know her fiancé when he was working at the same place, and we all got along. Recently he hosted a party at his house. Towards the end of the night, he and I were talking outside and he started to hit on me--telling me, among other things, all the great ways he could please me sexually. I was speechless that he would be so bold, especially knowing that I work with his fiancé and knowing that she was less than 10ft away at the party!
Apparently he'd asked someone at the party for my number "so he could make sure I got home safe" and he called me 3 times within an hour of me leaving the party. It's been about a month since that night, and he is always texting/calling me. When I tell
him I can't hang out with him because it's clearly unethical, he claims he just wants to talk with me.
The problem is that he's not taking no for an answer and now I'm afraid that his fiancé will see that he's calling me and think I'm trying to get with him. I know that it's wrong to even be talking to him at all, but the dilemma I'm faced with is this: should I tell the girl about what her fiancé has been doing? I don't want to be seen as a homewrecker, but he won't stop trying to get with me and I don't want her to think I had some part in this. I'm convinced she's going to find out sooner or later, and if that happens it'll be harder to defend myself.
Is it best to just ignore the calls and keep telling him no, or should she have a right to know what her crappy
fiancé is doing? It's hard because I see her at work and everyday I'm afraid this is going to be the day she finds out and all hell will break loose.
Thanks for reading,
One Confused Co-worker
Dear Confused Co-Worker,
Let me alleviate your confusion for you: F*ck him! And for that matter, her too. This crap between them (and indeed it is between THEM if her man can't keep it together in his relationship so he's sexually harrassing other women) is cramping your style and it needs to stop IMMEDIATELY! Her feelings toward you should not matter. You just want her jerkface of a boyfriend to stop pestering you with his "mack game", that I suspect very closely resembles this fine fella here:
With his bama-ass. Pssshh.
Tell him that you are saving every voicemail, every call log, every text message, every email and if he DOESN'T leave you alone, you will be going to his woman what the hell has going on, with proof in hand. And if he doesn't cease and desist, tell her. TELL HER EVERYTHING and show her the proof! She may get pissy with you, but so be it. You won't get any peace from this dude unless she knows the deal. Neither of them is your problem so you shouldn't have to deal with this mess. She should be thanking you for letting her know what kind of no account fool she is planning on marrying anyway (dollars to doughnuts say she already knows though, for real).
I know it will be awkward at work with all of this out in the open, but as long as he believes you won't say anything, he will carry on in this behavior. His girlfriend will be mad, but if she's interested in keeping her job, she'll get over it because it's too hard out here to be giving up employment behind some drama.
Teach people how to treat you! Make him believe that you are who you say you are because obviously, he thinks he can have and do it all. You may just have to be the one that shows him that he really has the entire game twisted.
In this and all things, I wish you love, light and clarity
~pbg
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