This Conversation Is Over...

Hello My Lovelies! Here is the last in the series of 3 letters by a young lady I call "Jet Magazine"...I mean, she got mad issues! LOL!


Seriously, Ms. Jet...thanks for entrusting your issues to my judgment. I hope my readers and I have been able to help you out in your quest of workin' it all out!


And so, She Asks:

Question 3: What is the most PC way to tell an associate the following:

"Look, You need to chill the hell out with all your tensiony vibes. I know you two are dating and I respect the confines of such a relationship. It's not me who you need to bring your insecurities to. If you really feeling old dude you need to tell him to curtail it and bring it down some notches. I can't do nothing for you when it comes to him. You can sit there and give me that "yeah right" look all you want to but truth be told...its not my fault he is attracted to me. I didn't do anything to initiate that at all. I don't understand why the hell you all in my face anyway...sweety if he wanted me, he'd be with me and not you so relax deary, we're just friends and not even good ones at that! And if I wanted your man, honey I'd have him already. Let's not go there. You don't wanna play that game with me babycakes cuz you'd lose and no, I'm not being over confident... I'm telling you what I know to be true. I don't know what goes with you two b/c I actively choose to not be brought into it. If he shares y'alls secrets...that's between you and him. I don't listen and I tell him I don't wanna know. I keep my feelings the same place I keep my nose and that's out of your business and too myself. I suggest you do the same."

Girl, girl, girl! I swear, I think you are out here just lookin' for some mess to get into! LOL! Cut that out! Anyways...

The best "PC" way (I'm not very PC at all, by the way. I'm just polite) to have this conversation is to NOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION!!

I mean, seriously...what are you, 17?? If this so-called "associate" thinks you and her man have something going on, you need to direct her to her man for the conversation. He's the only one she needs to be talking with in such a situation. If dude is pushing up on you and you are concisely and effectively shuttin' his ass down, then there is no conversation you need to have with ol' girl. Neither of them are your problem so don't make it your problem by putting your hands on your hips and gettin' your neck to goin' back and forth...literally or figuratively!

Any discussions of his alleged or suspected infidelity need to take place between the people in the relationship. Not you...don't make that madness your headache.

The only thing you need to say to her (and that's ONLY if she approaches you first) is "talk to your man"!

Keep it movin', Sistagirl. You have more important stuff to do and say.




Hey, You Asked!
PBG

Dogs Don't Do It...Neither Should You

Here's letter #2 from the Jet Magazine Sista:

And so, She Asks:

Question 2: My coworker is HOT! I mean, I think he's just the Bee's Knees of my company and he doesn't even know it! The problem is, I never have a reason to be in communication with him. At all. We work on completely different projects and the only time I see him is at the company meetings. I don't want to stalk him or just show up in his cubicle for no reason other than to flirt. My job is like high school so any inquiries I make will automatically generate emails and IMs of all kinds of rumors. I don't need that kind of publicity. When it comes to my romances...low key is key for me. So how does one initiate contact? For all I know he's big boo'd up with a live in SO and is completely opposed to dating coworkers &/or outside his race or even more...he could be a closet racist and I'm setting myself up for the ultimate FAIL! I need info... I just don't know how to go about getting it! Help me PBG and BBJ!

Sistagirl ( I feel like I can call you that now, since this our 2nd letter together), you don't need any info. You have all the info you need:

• This man works at your workplace.
• Your workplace is a hot bed for gossip.

The End.

What else do you need to know that will tell you that you do not need to be trying to kick off anything with this guy? Sure, he's "the Bee's Knees", but what does that have to do with your mortgage (or rent)/food & utilities/shoe budget?? Dating a guy from the job is a recipe for disaster because of the inevitable rumor mill that will work overtime on your and Brotha Oh-So-Fine's behalf. Please. Stop. No. That is all just some mess waiting to happen. People will get their whisper, point and giggle on and next thing you know, you'll be taking off your earrings inviting folks out to the parking lot!! And it could possibly put your job in jeopardy, depending on your company's policy on office fraternization. Whatever his romantic situation may be is waaay besides the point. Even if he's free as a bird, he is a poor choice for you because he is your co-worker.

Office romances are never a good idea, for a lot of reasons. The most consequential of these being losing your job. But then there is the gossip and the embarrassment and awkwardness if the relationship doesn't work out. It's just not worth the risk.


All of my readers are going to come in here and say the same thing: "Don't sh*t where you eat!" and you need to take heed, believe me. Low key my big toe...at work, you need to keep your love locked down: NO KEY!!

HunnyBunny, there are plenty more ponds in which to fish. The office pool should be off limits!






Hey, You Asked!
PBG

A Hairy Situation

Hello My Lovelies!
This particular reader had a gang of questions and she sent them all in one email! I will feature all 3 of her inquiries this week. Sis apparently has more issues than Jet magazine!
~PBG


And so, She Asks

A basket full of sunshine to you on this (enter your weather situation here) day!

The questions I have...man... it's a few. So grab you a mug of tea and a sammich or something...cuz this email is about 3 or 4 posts in one!

Question 1: One of my ex's... refuses to believe that I don't want to be with him. We were together my freshman year for about a semester and apparently at that time we developed very strong feelings. While his feelings were good and pro-relationship...mine were con.... and suffocating and slightly disgusted (he's very hairy...it's gross). Fast forward to 2006... we somehow miraculously through the genius that is facebook get back in touch. We talk and of course he brings up old stuff. (Why ninjas gotta bring up old stuff...let sleeping dogs lie!) But he asked what really happened and since I felt no shame in being blunt and honest about it, I told him. I told him how at that time I wasn't ready for the kind of relationship he wanted and that i was turned off by all his body hair...it was just too much for me. TOO Much! It wasn't that I didn't have feelings for him, I just didn't want that for me at that time. Somehow... he took that to mean that he was in there like swimwear at the present time. I said no. There is no attraction. None! At least from my end. Skip ahead to this year... he's really trying to make himself relevant in my life and I hate to be mean but there's only one box for him and that's the friendship box. No benefits, no options to move to another box, no possibility for an upgrade or anything. You are and will forever be a friend. That's it. And not a good friend b/c I find that I'm always arguing with you and looking at you sideways cuz you're kinda wack...but you're kinda cool on somethings and for that we will be eternal friends. But I can't get him to understand that. How do i get Harry Henderson of the Buju Banton Shaka Zulu H3 clan to understand that in no uncertain times will we ever be together again???

Well, did you? Did you look interested?
I say yes. You are talking too much with this guy!

Looka here, Sis...when dealing with thick skulled, determined guys like this one, you can't have too many ambiguous conversations. Hell, you can't have too many conversations! They tend interpret any kind of attention as their way "in". If you already told him that you find him physically repulsive due to his excess body hair and he STILL thinks he has a chance, this guy cannot even exist in your "friend zone", because that is not his goal with you. He is going to worry the hell out of you and force you to say some things that will definitely piss him off and/or hurt his feelings. He definitely won't be in your friend zone then.

*side note* I should do a blog post on this alleged "friend zone" because honestly, I don't believe it exists. I have my reasons. Anyway, back to the sagacity:

First, say in no uncertain terms that you are NOT interested in pursuing or maintaining ANY type of relationship with him then STOP talking to him. It may seem cold, but dude apparently isn't into hints and subtleties. This is your choice not to deal with this guy, so you can't allow him to attempt to dictate the nature of your relationship with him, which he seems like he will have no problem doing if given the chance. So don't give him the chance.

Sasquatch can't be your friend because he doesn't want to be. So cut it off and keep it moving.





Hey, You Asked!
PBG