Stranger Danger

Hey PBG,

I realized I had a bit of a problem today and instantly thought I would seek your advice on the matter.

It's about my daughter. She is 2.5 years old and heading for age 3 in early July and is not the least bit shy! That is where the problem lies; I think she is too friendly with strangers to the point where it concerns me.

We recently moved to Atlanta and are regular MARTA (public transit via train and bus) patrons. We are constantly out in public places around strangers and she is thrilled by it! My little girls loves to greet everyone around her whether coming or going but it doesn't stop there. She smiles and gets close to people, wants to give high-fives, hold hands with and even give friendly hugs and kisses to those who indulge her.

I am proud of her social skills (if that's what you'd call it), but often times I don't want her touching other people and vice versa. Sometimes she greets people who don't seem to want to be bothered and she won't stop singing "hiiii!" until she is acknowledged by them. When strangers are nice to her she will follow them around and be very friendly with them. That alarms me because it seems like that makes her an easy child to abduct.

I'm asking for your advice here ma'am. Am I too paranoid or are my concerns sound? How do I keep her from touching strangers in public without sounding rude? I don't want to punish her for being friendly. There must be something that we can do differently.

Thanks PBG!






Oh Mommy, calm down! LOL! Your little one is just being TWO! She's learned a new skill (from you, I highly suspect) and she's eager to practice it. She's very excited about being able cause an effect. Remember when she first learned to shake a rattle and hear a sound or smile and receive a smile back? She is seeing and experiencing the world everyday in a brand new way.

What your daughter is doing is perfectly normal and you should be proud of her growth and development. I'd be concerned if she were withdrawn and didn't seem to connect well with the people and places around her. She's supposed to be reaching out and engaging the world around her.

Little Miss is going to grow out of this soon when some new experience becomes more important to her, and it will. So what you need to do in the meantime is make it safe for her to be as social as she needs to be right now. Hold her hand when out in public and keep a close eye on her, you know...what you would NORMALLY do! LOL! And continue to model acceptable social exchanges between you and the people you all encounter as you move around your new city. Don't overreact to her behavior because you could make her nervous or think she's doing something wrong. Remember, she's taking all her cues from you at this point. She's so outgoing with folks because you make her feel so safe, Mommy! Good job!

Don't worry too much about abductions as these are very rare occurrences. Children are usually hurt by people that they know. The media would have us all believe differently though, of course. As she grows older and she starts to realize her entire world doesn't revolve around you, you can explain to her about "stranger danger" and how to stay safe when you aren't together.


In this and all things, I wish you love, light and clarity.





~pbg





Do you have an issue, question or query you'd like to have addressed here on "Hey, You Asked"? Feel free to email any and all issues to askthepbg@gmail.com and I will do my best to impart my real woman's perspective upon your situation and hopefully show you the way!

M.I.L.F & Cookies? I Think NOT!!

Hey PBG,

What should I do when a son of one of my good friends tries to MILF me? This happened to me a couple weeks ago.

The 17 year old son of one of my childhood friends and very close family friend was over at my house to use the computer to submit college applications. I was assisting him. Now, it isn't abnormal for him or any of her other children to call me at anytime asking to stay over for the weekend. I also help pay his tuition to a prominent private school. So basically, this isn't someone that I would have even expected to attempt to try something like that to me.

I baked the child some cookies and asked him if he wanted any milk. He responded that he wanted milk but not the kind of milk I was talking about and was staring at my breasts. First, I thought maybe I'm not hearing him correctly or maybe I'm misunderstanding. So I asked him what he was talking about because I didn't understand. He responded saying that I "knew what he was talking about" and pointed at my breasts. I felt so embarrassed and uncomfortable. I asked him who in the hell he thought I was and I told him not to disrespect me like that again.

See, my biggest issue with this is that I am sure his mother probably has been badmouthing me, or making derogatory remarks about me for him to even consider me in this way. I want to tell the mother, so that she can feel as embarrassed as I felt. Also, I don't want some young girl to fall victim to his inappropriate gestures or comments when he is off to the university. What should I do?

Signed,

Mad As Hell!

What.

A.

Doozie.

This child of your friend's is totally out of line and seeing as though that he's at your house, using your computer, eating your baked goods while you help pay his school tuition...you would be well within your rights to smack the taste out of his mouth! That boy has lost his ever lovin' mind, as the OG-PBG (my mother) would say.

But don't do that. He obviously is misguided and confused, having been left up to his own devices and immature ideas of how to deal with women. My glittery crystal ball is telling me that his father either is a wreck of a man or isn't in his life at all. And whatever his mother has been doing hasn't taught him to respect a woman who is practically an aunt to him and his siblings.

You tell your little play-nephew in NO uncertain terms that he is being extremely disrespectful, his behavior is not ok and if he ever chooses to make inappropriate sexual advances toward you like a grown man again, he will be handled like a grown man. And mean it. Then tell his mother. She needs to know that her son is out of pocket. Since you only suspect that she's been talking greasy about you in front of the kids, I wouldn't bring that up at all. But you definitely need to tell her about her son's behavior and how it made you feel. At least give her a chance to discipline her son because that's what needs to happen. He needs to learn about how to carry himself and treat women before he goes off to college and gets kicked out for sexual harrassment or worse.

If your friend doesn't straighten her son out, you need to cut them off. No more nights over, no more computer access, no more tuition payments and no more baked goods! You don't need to put up with that type of insulting behavior from that disrespectful teenager or his slacker mom and pay for the privilege.

In this and all things, I wish you love, light and clarity.

~pbg

Do you have an issue, question or query you'd like to have addressed here on "Hey, You Asked"? Feel free to email any and all issues to askthepbg@gmail.com and I will do my best to impart my real woman's perspective upon your situation and hopefully show you the way!