Hi PBG! i follow u on twitter and have a question for you.
okay, my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 5 years. we have 2 young kids together and things are pretty nice. my only issue? his priorities to me are a bit screwed up.
last year, he got his motorcycle license. it was mainly because he had a 45 minute drive one way to work and this would cut back on our very high gas bills. i thought it would be a good idea to get maybe a cheap little bike, but instead he purchased (with cash he saved) a $9k bike...also, three months ago he bought himself a chain with matching bracelet, that cost well over $2k, plus rims for his car, a new flat screen for the entertainment room, and a pricey watch...i dont complain much because the bills get paid and our kids are well taken care of. (he works a very good job that he has been at for quite some time so he deserves to have some fun since he works hard).
why is he not spending this money on me? he says he wants to get married but has YET to buy a ring. with the money he spent on these extra items, he could very easily have put a little bit aside for an engagement ring. we did almost get married a year ago but had to put it on hold due to family issues (at my request) but even then i was the one who paid for our wedding bands. i dont own any real jewelry but he has plenty of it. is it wrong for me to feel this way? its not just the ring specifically, but to me thats the only thing i want, and the only thing i have asked/hinted about and i didnt get it...im not asking for a huge ring, just something small to show his commitment. what do you think about this situation?
Ringless
Dear Ringless,
First off, thanks for following me on twitter! I have a gang of fun on there, talkin' smack and giving giggles to the Twitterverse!
Now, your issue:
I read your letter at least 5 times and shared the particulars of it with two of my more astute male friends. We all came to the same conclusion: Your man is SELFISH and is making chick-magnet, "bachelor" purchases.
He didn't have to buy a $9,000 bike just to help save on the heavy gas bill due to the long commute to work. He could've gotten something for half that. Flashy rims and iced out jewelry...that's stuff that dudes buy when they're trying to attract women! LOL! Girl, stop justifying his mess by saying he saved that money to buy the stuff and he deserves to have fun. That is really of no consequence. He's not a teenager saving up coins from his summer job. He is a grown ass man with a woman and kids at home! The reward for paying bills and taking care of home is gratitude towards the Good Lord for being able to do it in the first place.
Your man isn't all that concerned with being a "family man". A family man will get his bike, but after marrying his woman, getting a house for his family and a suitable vehicle for her and the kids. A man dedicated to his woman will make sure she is shining before he is. Most married men I know are satisfied with just a simple gold band and will let their wives' fingers bling. And they gladly pay for it, not the other way around (WTH?? You paid for the rings?? No ma'am!). Seeing his family provided for and happy is the number one priority of the "family man". Everything he does is a means to that end.
Commitment is the last thing on your man's mind. He's still trying to play the role of a "baller" despite having been with you for a number of years and being the father of 2 small children. He doesn't want to marry you, but he knows its in his best interest to keep you. You won't get more out of him until you insist that he makes it a priority. STOP HINTING at what you want out of this relationship with him. Men tend not to do well with hints, so be direct, clear and sincere.
After all these years and two babies with him, you deserve the security and validation of marriage. If he can't/won't see that, maybe he isn't the one for you.
Do you have an issue, question or query you'd like to have addressed here on "Hey, You Asked"? Feel free to email any and all issues to askthepbg@gmail.com and I will do my best to impart my real woman's perspective upon your situation and hopefully show you the way!
