A little background:
I'm a 32 year old bisexual woman. I started exclusively dating women when I was sixteen and had two significant relationships, one for three years and the other for almost five. Even though I identified myself as a lesbian over those years I still knew I was attracted to men but never acted on it. After my break-up with my last girlfriend of almost five years I had a relationship with a man that lasted close to two years. We didn't work out but I've since found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. We're in love, I've known him since childhood, and we're seriously discussing marriage. But here's the thing. I'd like to be with a chic one last time before we make a lifelong commitment. I don't want to give him reason to worry that it will be an ongoing issue but I also don't want to cheat or be dishonest. Should I ask him if I can have a one night stand with a chic, find a chic we could have a threesome with, or just do it secretly?
Bi and in love
I'm going to disregard your sexuality here, because I think it's irrelevant.
How can you say you're ready to get married and you still have the desire to sleep with someone else? "The man you want to spend the rest of your life with" also means "the only person I will be sexually active with". If you want to have sex with anyone besides him, I'd say you're not being honest with him or yourself. You don't belong in a committed relationship because you seem like it's cool to do the horizontal tango with somebody else "just to get it out of your system". Quite a frivolous way to start your life together.
Don't assume that just because he's a man he will be automatically down for sharing you in a threesome with another woman. Contrary to popular belief, that's not every guy's fantasy. And shame on you for only wanting to include him to assuage your guilt! I'm sure if he knew he would only be included so you could feel good about sleeping with someone else outside your relationship, he would feel like crap. Way to emasculate a brotha, Miss Thang.
If you're in love like you say you are, let go of the past and stop being so selfish. If you truly need to have one last fling, I don't believe marriage should even be a discussion between you and your guy. I'd venture to say that the reality of married life with a man is something you haven't TRULY considered yet. The fact that you are a bisexual woman will not give you Freaky Friday Day Passes. Either get over your selfish desire to have an affair or give up the relationship. If your man finds out about it, he will become filled with resentment and THAT is the one thing that love cannot survive. So...make your choice.
In this and in all things, I wish you love light and clarity.
~pbg
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