Friend or Frenemy?

Hi PBG,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost the past year and a half. There is a girl that was interested in him towards the beginning of our relationship before we were serious and/or public about our relationship and status. He turned her down, by the way, when she did try to holler, because he was dating me AND because he generally did not like her in that way. He told me about it at the time, but I didn't really know who she was, the name didn't ring a bell.....

Well, this girl has since been a person who has befriended me online and that I chat with pretty regularly, and she has taken great interest in some online projects that I have going on. I just had a eureka moment a couple days ago and realized that she was the one that had approached my boyfriend. Over the time getting to know her online I think she is very cool. My question is: Should I be wary of being friends with her? Am I being paranoid by hesitating?

I'd say that you are indeed being paranoid. I'm going to try not to be the suspicious paranoid person I tend to be at times and tell you that she doesn't know that you are his girlfriend. She's genuinely interested in you and your projects. I don't think there is anything to be wary of in developing a friendship/association with this young lady. She approached your dude a long time ago and he wasn't interested then, and I assume he still isn't interested now, as he is with YOU and has been for at least 18 months. I think it's perfectly fine have an online or even IRL (in real life) friendship with her.

I will say this, though: If she IS one of those researching, Inspector Gadget type chicks and is only sniffing around you in order to befriend you to get closer to your dude, you may need to keep her around. A "frenemy" of sorts. Being her frenemy puts her right out in the open where you can see what she's up to without any out & out hate. So even in that respect, I don't think it's a bad thing to be "friends" with her. Keep your friends close, and your "frenemies" even closer...or something like that, right?



In this and all things, I wish you love, light & clarity.
~pbg









Do you have an issue, question or query you'd like to have addressed here on "Hey, You Asked"? Feel free to email any and all issues to askthepbg@gmail.com and I will do my best to impart my real woman's perspective upon your situation and hopefully show you the way!

OK, WTF???

Hello PBG, I'm following you on Twitter and had a relationship question:

 I've been with my boyfriend on and off for nearly 3 years. In those three years, we were not always in a monogamous relationship. Until about two years ago we dated other people and each other, a fact that we were comfortable with. In that year though he was in a semi serious relationship (more on her part than his) with a girl "Amy". Now that I've filled you in on the back-story I can explain the real story. 

Right now, my boyfriend is deployed to Afgahnistan for a year. It's kind of hard to deal with but I've learned to manage until recently. I received an email from someone wanting to know who I was to him. They will not disclose their name and of course are using a fake email. I'll call her "xoxogossipgirl". She says that they never slept together she just needed to know if he was in a relationship in order to decide if they could "be together some day". I knew that was all false when I read it. Most women don't become attached until after sex.

He's since emailed the "xoxogossipgirl" asking who she was and she told him that she was "his worst nightmare and that she would end his relationship slowly but surely". She also confirms that he needs to "keep his dick in his pants "and that "he can't do whatever he wants to whoever he wants". He's not from my state, only stationed here and I wasn't sure if she was here, so had someone look up the IP address linked to the email. She in fact was in my state which helps narrow it down. so I asked him who did he sleep with here and he only could name 3 people including me.

The one that stuck out was "Amy" she has two kids and she's always been very dramatic the type of girl that would call her boyfriend her husband after 4 weeks, and she always tried little sneaky tactics to play mind games with me. Only reason its important to me to know whether its an ex is because he of course he could be lying and this could be someone completely new. Regardless of who it is I need answers and I know I can't draw blood from a turnip so what do I do?

OK, seriously...this was me trying to figure out what was going on in this letter.

I read this letter over and over again for about 4 days and could not make heads or tails of exactly what your point is. What exactly do you want? What are your expectations out of this relationship and out of my sagacity? What do you need for me to tell you to make this..."all of this" OK for you?

Then it hit me, like an epiphany (no Chrisette)! This letter makes no sense because this "relationship" makes no sense. This has to be the most nonsensical conglomerate of male-female bullsh*t I've ever had the displeasure of reading.

For the record, I NEVER (well, almost never) go this hard on a letter-writer, but honestly honey...you know as well as I do that this makes NO SENSE. Let's refer to your "back-story":

 "I've been with my boyfriend on and off for nearly 3 years. In those three years, we were not always in a monogamous relationship. Until about two years ago we dated other people and each other, a fact that we were comfortable with. In that year though he was in a semi serious relationship (more on her part than his) with a girl "Amy".

Let me get this straight: For the better part of 3 years, you have been in an sometimey relationship with a guy and throughout half of it, you both dated other people and even had "semi-serious" relationships independent of each other, and NOW you're up in arms about one of his "Ghosts of P*ssy Past" coming back to haunt ya'll?

Really?

Look, you taught him a long time ago that it was perfectly acceptable to conduct himself any which-a-way when it comes to you. Why are you doing all this detective work for this psuedo-relationship?? Dude is on the other side of the world, more than likely banging some female fellow soldier and not thinking a bit about you OR Amy (who is totally irrelevant, by the way...an "X Factor"). Why? 'Cuz that's what ya'll, do...right?

You're right. You can't get blood from a turnip. So stop trying to juice this ridiculousness you're trying to pass off as a "relationship". There is NOTHING there. NOTHING.




In this and in all things, I wish you love, light and clarity.
~pbg






Do you have an issue, question or query you'd like to have addressed here on "Hey, You Asked"? Feel free to email any and all issues to askthepbg@gmail.com and I will do my best to impart my real woman's perspective upon your situation and hopefully show you the way!